i want things to go back to how they used to be
i want my couch in my living room with my coffee table with the broken glass and two tvs... only the crappy one with pennies stuck to the top working.
i want dan to be sitting on the couch telling me how much he is in love with vanessa and can't stand it, and how he hates the boy i like just because i like him and he could never treat me as well as dan thinks i should be treated.
i miss being younger with elise and vanessa, playing dress up and talking about moving in together in maine when we get out of college.
i miss susie bursting in talking about the concieted selfish girls in her school. roaming around my house like a hurricane, and yelling, and laughing until it hurts.
i miss van, dan, nick, tim, foz, greg, and gen sitting in my house telling funny stories.
i miss shep, and the night with malibu.
i miss sitting on my couch with andy, watching tommy boy.
i miss lieing in my room with tom. not talking, but not needing to.
i miss the night max came over with an electric shaver, and the cops came because sammy was playing the guitar too loud.
i miss bbq at shannons 2001... where i loved my porch talk, and i loved the whole world... at least everyone in the room at the time.
i miss waking up and not knowing who was next to me.
i miss the spot on my wall in my room where ben leavitt wrote "i love you shannon, and don't forget that." that was covered up by a poster when we broke up.
i miss my mirror that was spray painted black and had words in white out around it.
i miss the dent in my floor.
i miss the wooden cabinets, and making raviolli at all hours of the night, because those and diet coke were the only things we ever had in.
i miss my attick and all the functions it served in my life.
i miss that matress we used to drag from upstairs.
i miss rehersing lines in my living room.
i can't write this any more. i am losing my mind. what the hell am i going to do? i can't live without susie. i can't. she has been my life support since i knew what a friend was.
i haven't cried before, why am i now.